Tough Day

Yesterday was a tough day. It started out okay--or as okay as an early morning dentist appointment can be. I got my son to my mom's house with plenty of time to spare (a lot of times I run it pretty close to almost being late) and made it to my appointment early. I had been worried about my appointment possibly running late because we also had Little Gym that morning, but I got out (with no problems with my teeth) in plenty of time and was even able to chat with my mom a little while Luke got to play with his cousin who was also there.

On to Little Gym, where things started out okay. The rock climbing wall was set up this time (I say "wall" but since this is for toddlers, it is not very tall) and Luke was all over it. Quite literally. I had to hold him back so that the other kids could take their turns on it. He was so into it that he didn't want to do any of the class activities. But then he saw that the water fountain, which is usually covered, was uncovered. And he wanted to play with it. After sticking his face in the water and getting water all over the floor, I pulled him away. He lost it. Full on tantrum. I took him to the side to help him calm down. He did only to go back to the fountain. More screaming. I took him out of the room to calm down. Then tried it one more time. No go. So we left early (the class ended just as we had finished putting on our shoes and gathering our stuff so it wasn't too early).

I had planned to go to Joann's to get buttons for my new cowl and really wanted to still do that. Fortunately I had some bunnies in my purse and eating those calmed Luke down enough for me to be able to get the buttons I needed. Then I decided to go ahead with the next errand since Luke had seemed to calm down: Toys 'R Us. (Thomas engines are on sale for 40% off plus they have some great clearance deals right now.) Picked up some toys to stash as treats for potty training and also picked up a toy for Luke's birthday.

It seemed like things were looking up. But then Luke fell asleep in the car on the way home and I was worried. He hadn't eaten lunch yet. Did I wake him up and feed him lunch and risk that he wouldn't go down for a nap (sometimes those car naps spoil his real nap) or did I skip lunch and put him into bed and hope he didn't wake up too early because he was hungry? I opted for the second option since he seemed super sleepy when I got him out of the car. Wrong choice. Five minutes after putting him into bed, he was awake. He did stay in his bed, talking to himself, so I started to work (I had an editing job that would take several hours to complete). That didn't last much longer before he was out of bed and nothing I could do would get him to go back to sleep. I was feeling a bit frazzled myself, so I gave up trying to get him to sleep on his own and laid down with him. He still didn't want to sleep, but after quite a while, he finally drifted off. Success!? Nope. Anytime I tried to move he would wake up. So I was trapped in his room. I drifted off myself which was another mistake because when I woke up I felt even worse than I did before (those power naps never seem to work out for me).

At least shortly after that, my husband came home so I could sit down and do a little work. And Luke did go to bed without too much trouble. I finished my editing work with just under an hour before bedtime so I did do some spinning.

But then I slept horribly last night and was wide awake around 4 am. Luke woke up a little after 5. I'm hoping today is better but we'll see.

You know, typing this out, yesterday doesn't seem quite so bad. Good things happened: positive dentist experience, small chat with my mom, finding the buttons I needed, getting a good deal on some toys, finishing an editing job, getting some spinning time in. The bad things were Luke throwing several tantrums in public and not taking a nap. And that's not untypical of toddler behavior. I think I just haven't been sleeping well or feeling great so those annoyances get extra annoying and seem to overshadow everything else. I've almost deleted this post since it seems like I'm complaining about a bad day that really wasn't all that bad after all. But I think I'll post it anyway because writing it out helped me realize that it wasn't that terrible and maybe I'll need this reminder again. Okay, so there's probably no maybe about it. But maybe I'll have a better attitude about it next time.

Hot Wheels Hanging Storage

Luke has a ton of Hot Wheels. It's hard to resist when they cost just $1 each. But those little cars just end up all over the place and finding a way to store them has become a challenge. So I decided to create a wall hanging with pockets to hold cars.

First, I searched online, especially through Pinterest, for some type of tutorial for making this. I found one but it wasn't really detailed (ex: it used a hanger at the top but did not state how it created the top to include the hanger--I probably could have figured that out but I didn't like how vague the instructions were). Other people wrote a little about what they did and usually pointed to the first tutorial that I found.

Finally, I decided just to wing it. I've done a wall hanging with pockets before (although it's been a while), so surely I could do this. I went through my fabric and found the Hot Wheels fabric that I knew that I had. So pocket fabric done. Now for the backing. I realized that I don't have a lot of neutrals. I also didn't think putting the Hot Wheels fabric on a Star Wars background would look all that great (although I do have some great Star Wars fabric). Then I unearthed some Mustang fabric that I now remember my MIL giving to me. I checked out the size and realized that it would be perfect.

I probably should have added some type of interfacing to the fabric, but I decided not to (mostly because I wanted to do it then and not have to go buy interfacing). So I just made a giant rectangle, creating a casing at the top for a dowel rod to go through. Then I measured some of the Hot Wheels to determine how tall the pockets should be. I made the first one and sewed it to the bottom of the backing. I then again used a car to measure and created the individual pockets. That turned out okay, so I measured and figured out I could fit four more rows of pockets and started making those.

Of course Luke woke up from his nap when I needed just 15 minutes or so more to finish it all up. I stupidly then tried to finish it anyway, so nearly an hour later I finally got it done. The next morning, I went to Home Depot for a dowel rod. After walking up and down the aisle that they were supposed to be in and not seeing any, I started looking for someone to help me. Okay, so every time I'm in Home Depot, I always have so many people trying to help me but I never need help. Here's the one time I needed help and the place was deserted! I finally noticed that the dowel rods were placed very unobtrusively (i.e., hidden) and got the size I had determined I needed. But then I needed it shorter. What to do? Still no one around to help. Apparently there is a little cutting center there for customers to cut things themselves. Okay. I measured the dowel rod, drew a line with a pen from my purse, and grabbed the saw. The first saw was dull and didn't want to cut. So I tried the other one. That one worked but it took me a little while to cut through my 1/2" dowel rod.

Took it home and sanded the ends. Then I took out my drill and made a hole on each end so I could pass a cord through to hang it. That actually worked! I had a horrible vision of the drill shattering the end because I picked too big of a drill bit or didn't drill straight. But I got it right. Put the dowel rod in the wall hanging, added the cord, nailed a hook in the wall, hung the car storage, and added cars--which Luke soon thought was tons of fun to take out of the hanging! (Putting them back in wasn't quite as fun.)

Doctor Who Christmas 2013

I started watching Doctor Who a few years back, picking up with the new version starting with Nine (Christopher Eccleston). I had not seen any of the older episodes (though I am starting to do that now). I enjoyed it from the beginning and quickly caught up to the current episodes.

I remember when Nine changed to Ten. I wasn't used to the whole regeneration thing since I was new to Doctor Who. It took me a few episodes to get into David Tennant. I was rather stuck on Eccleston. But once I adjusted, I rather enjoyed Ten. (My husband and I have started rewatching from the beginning of the new series and I have to admit that I wasn't quite as fond of Eccleston this time around--I guess I really did adjust quite well to the new doctors.)

Remembering how I felt during the Nine/Ten change, I was a little hesitant to watch the episodes of the Ten/Eleven change. I really liked Tennant and he had more seasons so I was quite invested in him as the doctor. I finally broke down and watched my first Matt Smith episode. Wow. He had me from the very beginning and the whole fish fingers and custard part just really cemented it. With Amy and Rory, it just seemed like a perfect match. When Amy and Rory left, I still enjoyed Matt Smith but it wasn't quite the same. It seems like the dynamic of the three of them was really what worked so well. But even without them, he was still fantastic and his final episode really showed that. His eyes when he was an old man were just so expressive. What an amazing doctor Matt Smith made. (I'm not sure yet how I feel about Twelve. Obviously he's only had a tiny bit of screen time but we'll see how he goes and I will withhold any judgments until I give him a proper chance.)

Anyway, all of this is really to say that the speech that Matt Smith gives right before he regenerates is something that completely resonated with me and that helped resolve some of the things that have been going on in my head about my own life. Let me see if I can find a transcript so I can quote it here. Okay, thank you Reddit! Here it is:

It all just disappears doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment like breath on a mirror. Any moment now, he’s coming, The Doctor -- and I always will be. But times change and so must I. We all change, when you think about it. We are all different people all through our lives and that's okay, that's good. You've got to keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me.

It's the part about us changing and being different people through our lives. I have to admit that I've been struggling about my decision to leave academia behind me and embrace my new role as mother and freelance copy editor. There are days when I am just exhausted at the end and as much as I love my son I think about how nice it would be to be back in a library or classroom, focusing on research or discussing a story we've all read. I was exhausted then, too, but it was a different type of exhaustion. I also think about how I never felt I had a break then (always had work to do or that should be done or grading and could never rest without feeling guilty), and I have that with Luke as well, obviously, just in a different way.

But that part of my life--grad school and academia--seem so far removed from me sometimes. It truly does feel like it was a separate life and I was a completely different person then. I think that's the part that I've been having a hard time reconciling. It's not that I want to return to that life. As frustrating and exhausting as raising a child can be, my current life is great overall and I wouldn't give up Luke to go back to academia (and I still agree that, for me, I couldn't do both with any measure of success in either). But I do sometimes miss that person that I was. And it feels strange to think about how different my life was back then. Was that really me? Am I really the same person?

And this speech from Doctor Who clarified things so much. Yes, that was really me. No, I am not the same person, but that is okay. We all change and become different people. That is life and there is nothing bad about that. But it's good to remember who I used to be because that has helped shape who I am now. So I will not forget who I used to be. And how appropriate that who I used to be is also a doctor--a doctor of philosophy (PhD).

Thank you, Matt Smith, for being such a remarkable Doctor. Thank you for giving life to this character and to those lines in your final speech. Thank you for helping me reconcile my old self and my new self. Goodbye, Raggedy Man.